So we’ve all heard stories about the obsessive ex right? Whether you have had this with your own ex or maybe your new partner has had some issues with their ex? This is fairly common but what people don’t talk about so much is when it’s their NEW partner. Maybe not such a common occurrence but definitely still happens. It’s happened to me and it’s definitely happened to others.
It’s a strange one because they have the guy/girl now so why do they care? But they do! and it’s quite baffling. I’ve had my ex’s next partner trawling my Instagram and even liked a photo (by mistake I assume) that was a year deep on my feed. A YEAR?! She’s also liked tweets that me and my ex sent to each other saying ‘I love you’ about 4 years before they even met which honestly I just find super creepy. I’ve had to block her on Facebook, Instagram and the 3 accounts that were set up on twitter as well as her friends and family, just to try and limit what could be seen. Still 2 years later, despite being blocked on all platforms which I still cannot work out, she managed to send me a long rambling message on my blogs Facebook page and when I ignored that one she sent another via Instagram the day after (obviously I declined this one too) and ensured that it couldn’t happen again by reporting it. Why she was reading my blog in the first place was beyond me and I found it odd but this was the reason she decided to message.
I found the message humorous and also a little insulting that she was trying to tell me how my own relationship ended with my ex. First of all, I kinda know as I was there! She has no idea about what really happened (two sides to a story and all that). In reality she has most likely heard a very biased side which I can only assume had a lot of detail left out because it would have certainly not been well received on her part I imagine. She was trying to fight a battle that had nothing to do with her, apart from finally admitting her part played in the break up but it was about 2 years too late so I really couldn’t care less what she had to say by that point.
On numerous occasions she has even followed me into the toilets, I assume in a bid to try and intimidate me, which will never be the case (never has the nerve to say anything but still strange and generally just quite annoying). Rather than enjoying a night out with the guy she so badly wanted or her friends, she instead finds more interest staring in the direction of me and my friends/company.
I honestly can’t understand it personally. If I saw my current boyfriends ex out I couldn’t care less. What I care about is the here and now. About being in the moment with my partner/friends on a night out and not intently focused on someone or something that isn’t even relevant in my life.
Another girl who is now married to an ex even follows my blog and Facebook blog page. Absolute madness! Why do you care so much, what could you possibly take from following me? Why do you want to see pictures or read posts I have written. What do you gain from this insight?
People have said it’s to do with feeling threatened which for some people I suppose is the reason but whatever it is I find it odd and don’t really understand it myself.
Saying all this I have to admit that I actually had an issue with my exes ex because he met up with her without my knowledge when I was out of the country and then lied to me about it. I found out the truth, confronted him and he admitted it which lead me to feel uncomfortable about them and I asked him not to communicate with her anymore and not to meet up again. However, had he told me from the first moment I asked they could have continued to be friends. I have since met with her as she is good friends with my boyfriends sister, we had a beach day, enjoyed some delicious cake at her house and she is a really lovely girl! It’s so refreshing to not hold any kind of grudge and in actual fact she was never in the wrong but it’s always very easy to blame the girl isn’t it rather than your own partner.
When it comes to an obsessive ex boyfriend/girlfriend I understand it more because some people find it difficult to cut ties for a whole host of different reasons and it kind of makes more sense to see what your own ex is up to on occasion. Personally I blocked mine on social media because it’s just more preferable to me not to see (despite people still telling me stuff a long while after but that’s sometimes unavoidable).
You don’t always understand why people think and do certain things and I guess without asking them outright you won’t. The best way is not to fuel the fire and just ignore every attempt at them trying to stir anything up because that’s what they want. I mean as much as it would be satisfying to say ‘Hun if you want a photo I’ll happily provide you with one if that saves you the neck ache of staring in my direction on a night out.’ Sometimes you are better off tight lipped or the typing equivalent, tight thumbed I guess?!
The point of the story is life is too short. You never know what is just around the corner and what life holds. Who cares about an ex or a partners ex? They are an ex, you are with someone who you should want to focus on. Not some irrelevant ex because that’s what they are surely? Irrelevant. Yes they were very relevant at one time but things change, so don’t spend time and energy on them when you should be enjoying your current company. So much so that you don’t even look like you’re having a good time because what is the point in even going out if that’s the case. You spend time with your partner, friends or family to have fun, make memories and have a good time. So have it. Ignore anyone and anything else that isn’t giving you good energy and enlightening your life a little. Life can be very toxic at times so why not just eliminate anything that brings that toxicity and bad vibes.
I’ve seen a girl recently have to close down a public Instagram account that had a large following and have to start again from scratch and create a private new account because she has had new partner issues. Being stalked is no fun whether it’s a quick innocent peek or full on fake accounts following which happens a LOT. She has had to hide parts of her life that she previously openly and not to mention happily shared which to me seems a little unfair.
Life isn’t easy, no one ever said it was supposed to be so why not just make it easier for yourself? Just leave it alone. Don’t waste any energy on things that don’t make you feel good. What positive can come from that? None. Think before you do things and by all means if you decide you absolutely can’t resist a look at someone’s profile/twitter/Facebook, whether it’s an ex or an ex’s new partner then my goodness don’t like anything by mistake and give your game away!
All jokes aside though if you are having issues my advice would be:
1) Block. Block absolutely anyone and everyone associated. Block friends and family and any means of them looking at you.
2) Make your profiles private if you really want peace of mind.
3) Don’t rise to it because that’s exactly what they want. Some people get pleasure from these provocations so don’t give them the satisfaction.
4) Don’t compare – never look at a partners ex or an exes new partner and compare yourself to them. You are not them and they are not you. This is just highly damaging and no good can come of this.
5) Always be the bigger person – if someone is that hell bent on being that way and you’ve taken all precautions to avoid this then just live in the fact that you are happy and proud that you don’t let these things really get under your skin. One of life’s great sayings is ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’ because an ex/a current partners ex/ex’s new partner (or anyone that doesn’t belong in your life for that matter) really is ‘small stuff’. You are what matters so enjoy what you’ve got, in whatever time you are blessed to have on this earth. Enjoy every moment with your loved ones and most importantly, be happy & be kind!